The place is here, the time is now

I celebrated my 40^th birthday today. And by “celebrate” I mean that I truly did, in my heart, mind and spirit.

Most people, from what I’ve observed, view the age of 40 as the beginning of the end. In other words, in their vantage point, they’re supposed to be at a place in their life where certain things are accomplished and attained by this age.

They’re supposed to be married with at least 1 kid. They’re supposed to own a home and a couple of cars. They’re supposed to be well established in their careers.

Blah, blah, blah.

Once they turn 40, they look at it as the start of being “old”. Some think and feel old. Some are disappointed because their lives haven’t turned out the way they hoped for. Some are lost because their lives have yielded all of the conventionalities they aimed for, but they’re left wondering, “What next? I didn’t see anything beyond this.”

I, on the other hand, grew up NOT wanting to be married, NOT wanting to pop out a kid or two or ten, and NOT caring whether or not I had a career or a house. Believe me, to say I felt like some kind of oddball is putting it mildly.

What did I want out of life, you may be asking? Well, this may sound too simplistic, but in all honesty, all I ever wanted was to be happy. And being happy had no definition for me. All I knew was, my aim was to be at peace… with myself.

As I grew into my thirties, the definition started to take shape inside.

• I wanted to like myself, not only love myself.
• I wanted to be of a strong and steady disposition…I didn’t want to be a push-over, a doormat…in other words, I wanted to communicate effectively and stand by my word, even if it meant not being popular.
• I wanted to have a clear sense of what I like, love and hate so that I would have a good compass and roadmap to live by.
• I wanted to have fun in the simplest things and be lighthearted, to not take life so seriously.

In my twenties, I was so far off that map, it’s laughable today. That decade is best described as “obsess about others, forget about yourself and stress out about the dumbest things.” At the tail end, I started learning about myself. But all in all, you couldn’t pay me enough money to relive that decade. I was so glad to see it go.

In my thirties, as I stated above, I started to become conscious about getting specific in my desire to be happy. I learned more about myself, money, business…many things…and along the way, I realized that I really love learning. In fact, I feel rather helpless, lost and bored when I’m not.

In my last year of that decade, I came to change my mindset about a lifestyle I wanted to follow, but had limiting thoughts about, and that was veganism. I envisioned myself being a vegan (at least in spirit), for many years, but it was always in conflict with the obstacles I created about it (that it was too complicated and difficult and I would be alienated from everyone else…that it would be a lonely road). Since I’ve integrated it into my life, it’s very clear that this is a vital and unexpected part of what makes me, me.

In beginning this new decade, I’ve found that: I like myself, for a lot of reasons, one being that I know what commitment is all about, and I never commit to something in a half-assed way (doubts or hesitation). I’m now a very good communicator and have no problem telling others what I think or anything else I feel necessary to say, in a responsible manner. I used to be one who only used emotion as a means of making decisions, but I’ve also grown to adopt logic and add it to my internal gauge, my instinct. That’s made a huge difference and has served me well. I have a very well developed knowledge of what I like, love and hate. With that, I don’t depend on anyone or anything to steer me anywhere. I’m having A LOT of fun in learning more and more about this, that, and the other. Life fascinates and intrigues me. Gratitude is the best word I can think of to describe what I feel about my thirties, and yet it somehow seems like an insufficient word.

So what lies ahead of me for my forties? More learning, more growing, more laughing, more fun, more communication, more sharing, more loving. I have accomplished my one real goal in life, and I know what I need to do to maintain my peace. I continue to be a work in progress. I feel like I’m twenty five, but in a good way. I live in the here and now. I rarely get into thinking about “what ifs”. To me, it’s a waste of time.

I like the acronym LAEP:

Learn ~ Apply ~ Evolve ~ Prosper

I will continue to LAEP into life (spelled my way 🙂 )

Most definitely, I’m one happy forty year old chica!